Hanyou of the Caribbean
by alterfano
Summary: Pirate!Yasha meets up with Capt. Jack Sparrow for some Carribean adventures. This is the REAL story of how InuYasha became a pirate. Things get interesting when it turns out they've met before.


Hanyou of the Carribean – Crack!fic Character Sketch #2 (OR – How InuYasha REALLY became a pirate!)

_Note: Set during the first POC movie, when Capt. Jack Sparrow is out looking for the Black Pearl again. I may have gotten some of the POC facts wrong, but this is just for fun anyway. This sort of a stream-of-conscious thingy…._

Even Jack could tell how badly this place stunk. Dark and dank, the room literally dripped with filth. They said the chinaman was inside, so inside went Jack, at least as far as the door.

"Stop." The voice was a low rumble with a strange accent.

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Jack saw a figure at the table in the corner, dark head propped on a palm as he leaned into the table. He couldn't see the eyes, they were dark under a shadow of heavy bangs. He _could_ see the long handled sword on the man's hip, though, and it wasn't like any sword he'd ever seen in these barely colonized port towns, long and barely curved with a blunt-ended sheath and a simple handled grip, wrapped in what looked like moldy cloth. Jack wasn't sure he was seeing right – his eyes were always just a tad unsteady - but he thought for a moment that he could see leather straps knotted around the sword's handle, binding it to the sheath so that it couldn't be drawn. The sheath was polished to a high sheen, however, and was the only clean looking thing in the room; it reflected the weak light of the lantern with a brilliant streak of yellow light, tracing down the length of its shaft, angling off the hip of the strange man with the commanding voice.

"I've stopped," Jack said, careful to keep his hands away from his guns and sword handle. Word had it the chinaman was a little unpredictable.

"What'd'ya want?" The man had a bottle of rum next to his hand that was only about a quarter empty. Not enough to bank on, but enough to bargain for…

"I wan' some rum, mate!" Taking on the wavering saunter he found so easy to fall into, Jack wove into the room, watching carefully for any sudden action. The man only sat up slowly, his arms falling limply into his lap as he slouched back in his chair and his long black braided pigtail fell across his well-muscled chest, adorned only by a barbaric native necklace. His pants were dark, dusky red, tied with a red sash. He wore no shoes, which wasn't unusual in this island port. But Jack was trying to see his eyes. The eyes told the story. All he could see were lidded, dark blots.

"You can have the rum," the man said, sounding a little sick. "Just give me a quid so I can get something real to drink."

"A quid? That's a bit steep, don' 'ya think?" _Does this guy know what money is? _Jack fell into the chair across from his quarry. "'ow 'bout we just share it, eh?" He watched for a flash of anger and saw nothing. "Come on… what's a shared drink between pirates, eh?"

The man turned to look at him and Jack felt a little adrenaline pump through him when their eyes met. The strange foreigner was feeling the effects of the drink, but he was far from drunk. And he was dangerous; something instinctive made the hair on the back of Jack's neck rise.

"I'm not a pirate," the man worked his mouth a little, as though it were dry.

"Well, word 'as it you got yourself off a pirate ship," Jack reached carefully for the bottle and was pleased to see the other man remain motionless. He took a swig. "usually, it's pirates that do that. And you're a tad bit large for a chinaman, so I thought to myself, Jack, this 'ere's a pirate who's been to China where he picked up that magnificent weapon on his hip. And I need some new crew members… uh… for my ship…well, my ship when I get it back…" _better get off this subject. _ "Here," he shoved the bottle at the chinaman, "take another swig."

"What the fuck do you want?" Jack detected some definite irritation this time.

"Ah," he leaned forward on his elbows, "I can see you're a man who likes to get to the point. You see, I've been told there's an extra high likelihood that you know something about a particular – item -- I want. Actually," he put on his more sober expression and lowered his voice, "I _need_ it, and I want to find out what _you_ want so we can make ourselves a little trade."

"I don't want anything." The man's face suddenly looked utterly miserable and Jack began to zero in on his target.

"Aw, mate. What kind of attitude is that? Everyone wants something. Must be plenty of things you want. Women, gold, rum… oh," he jerked himself back and stared the bottle between them on the old wooden table, "sorry – you already got that, don't ya? Well, how about the women?" He smiled his most charming metal-tinged grin at his companion. It didn't work.

"Nope." The man snorted through his nose, like he was trying to clear a disgusting smell. "Don't want those things. What I want, you can't give me."

"You know this, do you?" Jack risked another swig, enjoying the warm pool in his belly and how easy it became to put that wavering sway into his hand as it gestured towards the non-pirate across from him. "What if I told you I have a magic compass? One that can find anything you desire."

"I'd say you were a liar." His words were dismissive, but Jack could have sworn if the chinaman had had has ears on the top of his head they would have swiveled in his direction. He moved in a bit closer as the man whispered, almost to himself, "if I can't find it, it can't be found."

"It's true," Jack whispered and leaned in to lower his voice even more, "it's a shecret, but I'll tell you, 'cuz we're both pirates and we have our own code." The man glared at him with those dark blots. "Oh, well," Jack backed off a bit and waved his hand again casually, "you know, they're just guidelines, really."

"Tell me what the fuck you want," suddenly, the chinaman sat forward and smashed a scarred fist on the table. "I may not be a pirate, but that doesn't mean I haven't killed anyone before." His voice was menacing, but Jack, being a good judge of character, sensed something else in the statement.

"You've killed? What? A person?" he made an exaggerated production of looking around the edge of the table at the man's sword. "With that? Who were you killing? Must have been somebody rather slow to wait for you to get that binding off your sword."

"Shut up," real anger simmered in the man now, time to back off. "Tell me what you want or get the hell out of here."

"Right." Jack straightened back up. "You're the chinaman they call Sha, am I right? Sailed once with a Captain Barbosa in the orient, I believe." The man didn't move, but didn't deny the identity either. "I'm told you are in possession of a clue to the wherabouts of a certain 'Black Pearl.' The Black Pearl is very important to me and I will do almost anything to find it before _he_ does." The man's face smoothed out in surprise at the reference to Barbosa. He really looked quite young. Jack got an idea and leaned forward conspiratorially. "If it's not a woman you want, I could arrange a man, perhaps?"

A sharp bark of laughter came across the table at him. Had this guy just barked at him?

"You have some nerve coming here to ask me for the Black Pearl." He leaned forward now and Jack blinked his eyes, wondering if he'd just seen a flash of gold in the other man's glare. Must be the light.

InuYasha was sick to his stomach with the smell of the place, the putrid alcohol he was trying to get used to – and failing utterly – and now this twit. He snorted again to get the stink out of his nose. But the twit had said something interesting about finding things…

"You're an idiot to have come looking for the Black Pearl." InuYasha looked carefully at the man who called himself Jack across from him, beads hanging from his unwashed hair and grime covering him from head to toe. His teeth were amazingly white, though, as though he'd learned InuYasha's trick of gnawing on bones to keep them that way. _Sesshoumaru doesn't need the Black Pearl anymore. Hasn't needed it for two hundred years. What's he up to now? And who the hell is Barbosa? _"You're on a wild goose chase, dumbfuck. And _he_ knows it. So while you're chasing your own tail, he's probably just sitting back and watching you for a good laugh."

"Who?" Jack cocked his head to the side and tweaked his eyebrows quizzically, apparently thinking fast. "Who's sitting back and watching me?"

"_Him!_ The guy looking for the Black Pearl. And if you honestly think you can beat him to anything he puts his mind to finding, I think you're more fucked up than you look." _Which is saying a hell of a lot. _InuYasha trailed his disguised claws over the scar on the back of his hand unconsciously, "My fucking brother has the best nose in the family." A scowl began to grow over his face until noticed the strange expression spreading across his companion's features. It was comical how confused the guy looked.

"Your brother?" Jack looked really unbalanced – well, more unbalanced -- all of a sudden.

"What about him?" InuYasha was getting tired of this conversation. Sesshoumaru was the last person in the world he wanted to be thinking of at the moment. He'd followed rumors and vague clues to the other side of the world looking for the next incarnation he was to guard, and he'd found absolutely nothing but dirty, disgusting pirates. He hated this place. He couldn't imagine Sesshoumaru deigning to come here himself, nor why his brother would want to find the Black Pearl again. They'd robbed their father's grave of everything but his bones over two centuries ago. There was nothing left. He'd probably just decided to play some kind of sick joke on this idiot in front of him.

"Who are we talking about?" Jack was still staring strangely at him.

"Who?" Now InuYasha was becoming confused.

"Your brother?" Nobody was making any sense.

"What about him?" _Why are we talking about Sesshoumaru again?_

"You don't look anything like him," Jack leaned in closer and squinted his eyes at InuYasha, "and he doesn't have a brother."

"Half brother," InuYasha succumbed to a rare temptation. He was leaving on a ship the next morning and this guy didn't look likely to remember anything anyway. He leaned in until his nose was only about a foot from Jack's and flashed off his human disguise, the beads at his neck warming briefly as they changed his visual state. When he saw his claws on the table between them, he flexed them and grinned a fanged smile at Jack, who looked like he'd just seen a ghost. "Now do I look more like him?"

"Ungh," Jack shook his head is if to clear it. InuYasha flashed his disguise back on, feeling smug. Somehow he didn't mind leaving a little rumor in his wake when he left this shithole. As the beads cooled on his neck again, he felt a pang, a memory of their original purpose, and he became focused on the thing Jack had talked about before.

"Forget the Black Pearl, Jack," he leaned in and caught the man's eye. Jack was still scared, the stench of his fear rolled off him, mixing with all the other fetid scents of the place, but he was also after something and maybe InuYasha could turn this to his advantage. "Tell me about your compass."

"That's _Captain_ Jack…" the man looked briefly annoyed and then focused his eyes on InuYasha again. "Ah, well, I can't very well forget the Pearl and still tell you about my compass…" Jack took a deep breath, about to launch into a story, but InuYasha beat him to it.

"Right," InuYasha frowned a little, trying to figure out if this guy was for real, "if you can find anything with your magic compass, why can't you find it yourself? _Eh_, Captain Jack?"

"Yes," the man looked to the side as if he'd been spoken to by an unseen spectre, "well, you see," he raised his brow over dark smudged eyes and looked for all the word as though he were thinking up lie. "I did use the compass," he glanced up, "and it led me to you."

"Well, I don't have the Black Pearl anymore," _at least I don't think I do. I never knew when I had it in the first place, though, so who knows? _"And there's nothing left in that old grave to rob anyway. You're wasting your time."

"Grave?" Jack looked even more confused. "Who said anything about a grave?"

"You did." _Twit_. InuYasha sighed and started to get up. "You can have the damn rum. I've gotta get some fresh air." _And maybe a nice high tree to sleep in._

"Wait!" Jack kept his hand on the rum and reached out to grab InuYasha's arm. The hanyou jerked back at the touch, lifting his hands as though to strike with his unseen claws. Jack, apparently remembering the vision of the claws, leaned back and put his arm up in a disarming way. "Wait until you've heard me out." He pointed down at his belt where the compass hung. "Don't you want to try my compass?" Slowly, he started to lower his hand. InuYasha turned back towards him and he stopped, not wanting to appear menacing.

"What does the compass do?" InuYasha decided to give Captain Twit one more chance before he knocked him out and got the hell out of here.

"It'll find whatever you most truly desire in this world." Jack unclipped the compass from his belt and placed it carefully on the table. "You know what you desire, don't you, Sha?" His voice was lower and seductive.

InuYasha sat back down and watched the randomly spinning compass move. It came to rest pointing directly at him.

"What the fuck?" InuYasha said, sitting back in surprise.

"Told 'ya, I did," Jack leaned in again. "I asked it to find the Black Pearl and it led me to you."

_Guess I still got it then._ InuYasha thought to himself.

"But what it is _you_ want?" Jack pushed the compass across the table at him. "Anything in this world, Sha…"

"What I want may not even be in this world right now." InuYasha looked at the spinning needle and decided he had nothing to lose. He picked up the compass and thought of Kagome. The top just spun in circles for a minute. His heart fell and he felt a small whine beg to be let out at the back of his throat. He swallowed it away.

Jack stood up and leaned on the table to look down at the compass. "Aw, sorry mate, maybe you're right. It only does that when you ask the wrong question." He reached for it but InuYasha pulled backwards.

"Wait." The hanyou was intrigued with the possibilities. "Let me try something else." He thought of Sango. Nothing. The needle just continued to spin. Maybe this didn't work after all. _One more chance._ He found himself hoping… he was so lonely. He pictured Miroku as he'd last seen him, the small girl who'd succumbed to the whooping cough only seventy five years ago, and then he pictured the Monk of centuries past. _Please…_The needle continued to spin wildly, but looked like it was slowing down. Both men leaned in as the needle continued to turn, beginning to look like an actual compass. Honing in. Slowing. Stopping.

Pointing directly at Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Fuck." InuYasha couldn't think of much else to say, although his heart leapt knowing he'd found his old friend again. Despite his best efforts, a small smile crept into his voice. "Looks like you've got yourself a new crew member, Captain Jack." He looked up at the man in front of him and saw only unfocused eyes as the pirate sat back heavily in his chair.

"Well," Jack was recovering. He seemed good at that, InuYasha noticed. "That trick you do," Jack flexed his fingers and clawed the air in front of his face, looking silly. "Can you do that anytime you want?"

"Why do you want to know?" InuYasha was suddenly wary, remembering that he carried knowledge and memories that may or may not come back to his friend.

"No reason, really," Jack reached over carefully and took the compass from InuYasha. "Might come in handy, that's all."

The man and the hanyou looked at each other and InuYasha reached over to grab the bottle of rum. _Better get used to this_. Mentally holding his nose, he took a swig.

The End.


End file.
